Have you noticed that all babies and toddlers have a natural instinct to do things on their own? This cue is the beginning of independence, and as parents, it is important we encourage and nurture this instinct.
Giving our little ones the gift of independence tells them that we value them as individuals and they grow up developing a strong sense of self-belief. This not only helps children in their optimal growth and development but also helps them build confidence and competence, thereby fostering their inquisitive and creative mindset.
Fostering a sense of security is the first step before promoting independence. Having a sense of security helps children know that they always have a safe place where they can return to fearlessly, without being judged. And when a child has developed this sense of security, we can then encourage them to explore the world beyond. This allows them to know themselves better, understand their capabilities, and develop a sense of competence, security, and healthy independence.
Independence, when nurtured from an early age, allows them to make decisions, take responsibilities and solve problems on their own. The self-confidence coming from an independent mindset further boosts an understanding of societal values and norms and moulds them into kind and empathetic human beings.
There are many ways in which we can help our child to learn to be independent. Let’s talk about a few of them.
- Give children space to explore
We can only nurture a child’s inherent curiosity by giving them space to explore, and make mistakes. Experience is the best teacher. Let the children make mistakes and learn from them, and find out ways to not make the same mistakes again.
Ask them open-ended, thought provoking and reflective questions pertinent to situation/s as means of support to help children handle affairs in a better or more efficient way. Let them think and answer.
As a parent, finding the middle grounds is important so that if the child ends up in a strenuous situation, they are aware of the ways to face it and come out of it. Try to keep the surrounding secure, but not over-protective.
- Offer choices to children
Give your child the freedom of choices, and add ceiling guidelines. For example, what s/he wants to have for lunch can be a choice, but that it will not be changed once the food of choice is prepared acts as a cap. This way, it helps in fostering the sense of responsibility in children and gives them the freedom of choices. It also helps a child honor boundaries.
Such choices make children think logically and shape their personality traits. This further helps children to hone their independent mindsets and become independent players. Offering choices help develop a healthy sense of independence in children. And being able to make good choices is a skill that children can carry into adulthood and use for the rest of their lives.
Here’s the thing to note, offer choices and options only when the child will truly be allowed to follow their choices.
- Involve children in household work and develop the sense of responsibility
Doing household work helps children learn essential relationship skills, feel good, competent and responsible while contributing to family life. Praising a child’s performance and efforts boosts their confidence in doing the given work. Age-appropriate household work can motivate a child to do things on their own. Young children can sort toys after playing, help in dusting, fold their clothes, and water the plants. Older children can help set the table, clean, cook, manage kitchen inventory and more.
You may also encourage your child to handle a particular situation. Give him or her some money and let them make a choice of what to spend them on. Allow them to take care of their siblings or pet/s at home.
Such activities will boost the self confidence in children. It’ll give them a feeling that what they’re doing is important and they are contributing to the family’s well-being.
Participation in household work/chores helps children live independently if parents are away from home for a while. They will be able to take care of themselves and the house without much problems.
Doing household work is a good way in honing healthy independence among children.
- Engage them in outdoor activities
“No playtime outside can make Jack a dull boy.”
Encouraging children to regularly engage in outdoor activities and unstructured playtime outside of the house gives children opportunities to imagine, create, develop positive self-esteem, try out new activities, take risks independently. This further nurtures their curiosity and motivates them to learn good social skills.
Children find a number of opportunities to learn and grow independently when they engage in outdoor activities on their own. The ceiling of the house offers limited opportunities to learn, but outside, children can actually find their interests, hobbies and more.
Also, sending children out to play, on their own gives them a chance to take care of themselves, have fun and make mistakes when no one is watching. This helps them think independently, do things well on their own and achieve even more.
Make sure that road and pedestrian safety rules have been imparted. Staying safe from and around outdoor hazards is equally important and the children should be taught about it.
- Build an open and comfortable communication space
We always say parents are the child’s first friends. So isn’t it important to keep the ‘fear’ of being honest out of the equation? By teaching them to be honest but not letting them be one, we aren’t helping them. Appreciate them for their honesty, hear them out attentively and, of course, for unavoidable behaviours and severe mistakes; discipline them accordingly.
How we communicate with our children and respond to their concerns today has a direct impact on shaping up their future behaviours and relationships with us and others.
If the child shares something and parents start judging or yelling, they feel worse and start perceiving their parents as moral police.
Therefore, it’s important for parents to BE that FIRST friend to a child so that the child finds a safe harbor in their parents and knows they can exchange their thoughts/concerns/situations openly and comfortably. This way, the parents also get to know and understand what goes on with their child and will be able to help them feel comfortable and confident to communicate anything and everything under the sun without any fear.
We all know good communication is a two-way process, and good communication with children involves listening and speaking in a way that makes them feel important and valued. Affirmative dialogue can instill just the confidence your child needs in dealing with real-time situations independently.
What’s Next?
“Treat a child as though he is already the person he’s capable of becoming”- Haim Ginott
Aren’t our children the most beautiful, most capable? Then why hold them back? A little gift of independence, not looking down upon what they want to do and a little reassurance can go a long way! Don’t worry about them, be with them!
Healthy independence plays a huge role in the optimal growth and development of any child. Thus, it is important to provide such learning space from the very beginning, to boost their confidence and help foster independence from early on.